The Fantastical and Undeniably Indisputable Escapades of Sir Arthur Fauntleroy Bartleby III, Esquire, and his Loyal Manservant Digby – Part 34: The Plot Thickens
Much hi-jinx and PERMISSIBLE SHENANIGANS have pursued our intrepid explorers as they seek the rumored TREASURE OF THE ROMAN IMPERATOR. We return to discover them amid the wild streets of the UNRULY CITY OF CHARLOTTE, North Carolina.
Sir Arthur strode through the intersection without hesitation. Time was running short.
“The secret lies with Charlotte,” Digby said from next to him. “Right smart you were to look in a city named Charlotte. I thought it were a woman, myself. That’s pretty clever, boss.”
“Of course I am, good Digby,” Arthur said. “Now, keep your eyes peeled for anything peculiar. The next clue to the Imperator’s Fortune lays somewhere amid these boulevards.”
They passed another alley crossroad and entered into the shadows of the next row of buildings. The great fortifications towered above them, blotting out the sun, leaving them to scuttle among the rubbish-filled depths like a brace of cockroaches.
“Sure is a lot of webs here, boss,” Digby said, looking amid the debris.
“Yes, there–Wait. What did you say?” Arthur asked, grabbing tightly onto the lapels of Digby’s filthy jacket.
“I… said there was a lot of webs here. Why, boss?”
Ingenious. Digby laughed aloud. “Of course! Don’t you see? It’s so simple! Webs in Charlotte! Charlotte’s Web! The tome written by E.B. White!”
“What’s it about? I’ve never read much, boss.”
“Never panic, Digby! In my many escapades, I stumbled across a reproduction. The book extensively details the misfortunes of a swine named Wilbur.”
“Wilbur? Wasn’t he one of the Wright brothers?” Digby asked.
“On the button, Digby! Orville and Wilbur Wright! And they flew their aeroplane at Kittyhawk! Don’t you see?”
“Kittyhawk, boss? You mean a cat and a bird?”
“Of course! A cat and a bird! Now tell me, Digby, what entity concerning cats and birds was momentous to Imperial Rome?”
Digby was silent a moment. “Uh… the Vatican?”
“The Sphinx! The emblem of their most despised adversary, Egypt! A fusion of bird and cat!”
Digby pondered a moment, the rusty gears of his mind twisting together. “There’s a bird on the Sphinx? Thought it were just a cat. And a man.”
Arthur chuckled. Meager, irrational Digby. So ignorant. “Not a flying bird. Bird as in an attractive woman. And, as you know, the Sphinx is modeled on the visage of the legendary Cleopatra! Our next step lies before the antediluvian monument of the Sphinx! Away, Digby, there’s no time to lose! Back to the aeroplane and then… Egypt awaits!”
Tune in next week as our audacious protagonists infiltrate the darkest reaches of Egypt and dare to step where LOADS OF OTHER MORTALS have stepped before. Will they uncover the TREASURE OF THE ROMAN IMPERATOR? Will the OUTLANDISH HOBO wielding a GOLDEN ABACUS persist in bothering our champions? Find out next week on:
The Fantastical and Undeniably Indisputable Escapades of Sir Arthur Fauntleroy Bartleby III, Esquire, and his Loyal Manservant, Digby – Part 35: Drowning in Denial
Updates
Updates, you know, those things I never do cause I’m a lazy git?
Gonna be gone all of next week for masters research. Gotta raft down the San Juan river with my adviser to reach the appropriate destination.
Gonna do NaNoWriMo, even though I technically already did it earlier this year when I pumped out about 80k words during July alone. Oh well, I can get it officially down, even though I’ll be working with a week handicap.
Starting to plot my next Writers of the Future entry. I’ve been meaning to get started on this earlier, but I’m too lazy of a git to get around to it. Sigh….
I’ll add in some worldbuilding later maybe.
Chainsaw Writing
Not writing with chainsaws. But I think this is a fun way to describe it. Which sounds more interesting? Discovery writing? Or CHAINSAW WRITING? http://www.peteranthonybooks.com/2011/09/the-chainsaw-method-of-writing-a-novel/
On the Prevalence of Fantasy
An interesting read discussing why it is people like fantasy novels.
http://www.roguebladesentertainment.com/2011/09/on-the-enduring-popularity-of-sword-sorcery-fiction/
Flagging SF – MICE
What’s that? Really, already? Alright. Ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls, and face-hugging alien monsters, it’s time again. That’s right; time to return to another maniacal self-absorbed essay about why I think I’m right.
Last time I speculated on root causes behind the flagging SF genre. This time I intend on offering my obviously correct opinions on enticing new readers. Said opinions are probably wrong, but this is the internet. The only person who can stop me is Censorship Man.
Amazing New Study
You probably saw this on the Colbert Report. The study suggests people enjoy stories more when they know how it ends.
AMAZING LINK HERE
http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/spoiler-alert-stories-ruined-surprise-ending-revealed-california/story?id=14282659
So how ’bout it, Brandon Sanderson? Tell us how Wheel of Time ends. I’ll apparently enjoy it more.
Big Bad Fantasy Test
For authors specifically. If you say yes to any of the questions, you will be involved in a horrible accident where many people are hurt.
Business Card!
This actually didn’t take too long to make. I followed a couple guides, looked at some recommendations, downloaded some brushes, and whipped this up on photoshop in an hour. Keep in mind, the actual card will cut 1/4 of an inch off all four sides.
I wanted to keep it basic and to the point. I’ve heard putting stuff like “author” or “writer” on the card is considered presumptive if you haven’t sold anything. For that reason, I also figured I’d keep the back blank, so I could write notes. Thoughts?
Why is SF Flagging? Part 2: Colton Blathers on Some More
On the Downhill
Last post, I blathered on about how the fantasy genre reinvented itself following a Tolkien burnout. Now I’ll talk about my personal opinion for why the numbers of sci-fi readers are dropping down.
Warning: There are exceptions to every rule. Keep that in mind.
Why is SF Flagging?
Warning: This is all speculation on my part. I’m known to be wrong on many things.
The Fantasy Conundrum
As I was attending WorldCon, I spent some time at different sci-fi panels. One of the dominant topics that always seemed to come to the front of discussion was the question: How can I dispense science fiction to the now uninterested masses? Okay, maybe that wasn’t the exact question.
Book Review : Name of the Wind and Wise Man’s Fear
Book Review : Name of the Wind and Wise Man’s Fear
Given my own inclination for rambling and being unclear, I decided to hit both novels on the same review. Probably a mistake, given the two books combined consist of more words than most series, doubled. Ahem, so let’s begin.
Both of these books follow a fellow named Kvothe (pronounced like Quoth, only not). To summarize him simply, the book’s title should be: Kvothe: Why am I So Awesome? The story follows the biography of this legendary hero, who after becoming (in)famous, faked his own death to live a quiet life, until a traveler named Chronicler tracked him down and convinces Kvothe to dictate his life story, which he agrees to.
Amendment
I jumped the gun on the earthquake bit and amended my earlier piece. New Madrid is much farther west than my own pathetic knowledge of eastern seaboard geography dictated.
Earthquakes: Why did D.C. go BOOOM?
SCIENCE!
Here is just a quick blurb on why the 5.9 earthquake that hit D.C. today is making geologists excited.
Fact one: Earthquakes occur along plate boundaries. Specifically in subduction zones where one plate is pulled under another. The friction and slippage between the two create the earthquakes commonly seen in the Andes, Cascades, etc.
See accompanying figure. Those are plate boundaries. Kindly note the east coast isn’t near one. The closest is the Mid-Atlantic Ridge, a divergent plate boundary, where ocean floor is created, and there is little compression, and thusly few earthquakes. (nothing is trying to slide past another, so no slippage)
Fact two: Earthquakes occur along faults. Faults trace their origins to plate boundaries. There is no plate boundary on the east coast, and hasn’t been since 460 million years ago. IE there should not be any faulting in this area of noticeable strength; it’s just been too long.
So where is the earthquake coming from? Answer: the New Madrid Fault, which is 750 million years old, created when North America tried to rift apart during the breakup of Rodinia (the supercontinent which existed before Pangaea). It sorta failed, and got buried in sediments, but as a result the crust is mechanically weaker in the area and faults still slip occasionally, hence earthquakes.
The most noted activity of the fault was the New Madrid Earthquakes in 1812 which included four earthquakes above a 7.0 on the Richter scale. They were centered in Missouri and Arkansas and were so powerful that they rang bells in New York churches and caused the Mississippi river to briefly flow upstream.
OR
Magic. Possibly a weather balloon. Or swamp gas!
Addendum
In my research, I found I jumped the gun. I know geology, not geography, and as a result am a clueless nitwit about the east coast. New Madrid fault is too far t the west, and so I’ll have to amend my statement to say this wasn’t a result of the New Madrid quake, but part of the smaller reactivated reverse faults in the Piedpont area of virginia, which is nowhere near as powerful as New Madrid. Still, THE MORE YOU KNOW.
Sorry
For not updating much. When I start writing a main story, I get tunnel vision. I can multitask, but I don’t like doing it if I can help it. Too much stuff going on becomes distracting,
If Robert Jordon Wrote A Song of Ice and Fire
Ned woulda lived.
Cersei or some other female character would tug her braid, snort, sniff, and probably would have gotten spanked by some other character.
If George R.R. Martin Wrote Wheel of Time
Lan would have been horribly malformed, with googly eyes, and a hunchback.
If George R.R. Martin Wrote The Wheel of Time…
Rand and Perrin would be dead by book 2.
Music and Writing
Generally, when it comes to writing, if I can’t summon up the right sort of emotional state for the scene, I turn to music to try to match it more properly. Some I find a little better than others, so here is my list of pieces to match emotion to music.
Sadness/Forlorn Hope
Rembrance – Balmorhea
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ze5ZcCXRPJE
Excitement/Intensity
Dragon Rider, Time Bomb – Two Steps from Hell (about anything of 2SfH works for this)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XstrpkqT6dw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n8xjj_SZLY
Horror/Suspense
Last.fm’s ambient channel (Try Northhaunt)
Dramatic/Epic
Lord of the Rings soundtracks, additionally anything by John Williams, Klaus Bedalt, etc
Outline for Wretched Existence*: Book 1 of Architect of Legends: Part 1
So I felt like putting my world building and design up for the public eye to view and criticize and mock. This is the first part of the outline I’m working on, not a summary. It describes a few things about the novel, and gives a setting outline. Feel free to comment.
Outline for Wretched Existence*: Book 1 of Architect of Legends
Expected Length: 150,000 words
Main Characters: 7
PoV Characters: 3
Book Review: Hard Magic
Hard Magic is written by Larry Correia, author of the Monster Hunter series. It holds one of the more interesting settings I’ve seen (why that makes me detailed at the end), involving 1930’s gangsters, occultism, magic, dieselpunk, and a host of bizarre tropes that are shaken, not stirred, to create the background.
Watch and be amazed
At more things YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
– Samuel L. Jackson was once a stand-in for Bill Cosby on The Cosby Show.
– Nicolas Cage was initially asked to take the role of Aragorn in Lord of the Rings, and Tom Selleck was to be cast as Indiana Jones. Sean Connery rejected the role of Gandalf, and Will Smith rejected the role of Neo in The Matrix.
– A U.S. airplane carrying a nuclear bomb was involved in a collision with a fighter plane. The bomb was jettisoned and has yet to be found.
– The last time the Republican Party won a Presidential election without a Bush or Nixon on the ticket was 1928.
The World Builder – Groundwater
“You, what are you looking at? Got something to say?” Saul shouted as he walked into the classroom. He wiped a greasy smear of oil from his face when he stopped.
“What happened to you?” a boy in the back asked.
“Knocked over a canister of quicklime.”
“Shouldn’t… shouldn’t your face be on fire?”
And now it’s time for…
SOMETHING INTERESTING THAT YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW.
Everyone remember Zazu, Mufasa’s hornbill majordomo from the Lion King? He was voiced by Rowan Atkinson of Mr. Bean and Blackadder fame.
The scene in fight club where Edward Norton and Brad Pitt hit golf balls, while drunk? They actually were sloshed.
The Molotov cocktail was named after the Soviet Foreign Minister by the Finns who used them as they had little anti-tank weaponry. And we all know how the Winter War turned out.
And That's Terrible 